A frequent question we get here at Pariva: How do we effectively discipline our kids?
We’re proponents of positive discipline (basically, teaching appropriate behavior in a kind but firm way). We understand that personalities and circumstances differ across families, and one-size-fits-all approaches don’t work. But the Wheel of Choice is a very adaptable tool that works well for many families.
The exercise of designing a Wheel of Choice also helps you think through effective solutions – with your child’s help – that actually address the problematic behavior. That’s difficult to do in the heat of the moment, but much easier if you already have a thoughtful list of acceptable solutions.
Benefits:
- Increases a child’s sense of capability and self-regulation.
- Helps you understand effective solutions for your child’s struggles.
- Develops problem-solving skills and helps children take ownership of the solutions.
- Enhances parent-child connection and communication.
How to make a Wheel of Choice
Gather supplies such as paper, pencils, markers, scissors, and glue.
Then, brainstorm with your child about possible solutions to common conflicts or problems.
Enlist your child’s help to draw a large circle on a sheet of paper. Divide the circle into pizza-style slices – eight is a good number. (Alternatively, you could do strips of paper to be folded and put in a bowl.)
On each slice (or on each strip of paper), write one solution. Then, let your child illustrate it with pictures or symbols (or help you search for printable pictures online). Allow your child to choose an acceptable place to display the Wheel.
Now you’re ready to put it into practice. When there’s a problem, conflict, or meltdown, direct your child toward the Wheel of Choice to choose a solution.
Tips for success
- Children often require time to acclimate to changes in approach, so don’t be discouraged if things don’t go perfectly when you start to use the Wheel. Consistency is key.
- Adapt the concept to your child’s personality and proclivities. It can be a wheel, strips of paper, an online checklist, or whatever you come up with.
- Be sure to engage your child in this process and let your child take the lead as much as possible. The power of this strategy stems from your child’s ownership in the solutions – and ability to make choices.
Do you need specific support? Pariva is passionate about delivering families help and hope. Our family support program helps families address behavioral or developmental concerns about a child (including autism, ADHD and other conditions); we also offer virtual diagnostic evaluations. No wait list, no referral needed.